stupid label instructions

1. Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]

2. Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." [Evidently, the shoplifter special]

3. Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." [And that would be how...?]

4. Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."? [But it's *just* a suggestion]

5. Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down".[Oops, too late]!

6. Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".? [As sure as night follows the day . .. ..]

7. Iron: "Do not iron clothes on body.? [But wouldn't this save even more time?]

8. Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]

9. Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" ??[One would hope]

10. Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?]

11. Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious].

12. Peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]

13. American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta]

14. Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." [I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]